There are times....

where I have left my body. Not the "I" that I see in the mirror, nor the "I" that shows herself to the world...but the "I" that never grows weary and is always present. It's as though, and it always comes on quite unexpectedly, the silent witness that dwells within chooses to be seen; Not by the world but felt ever so strongly by me, or the part of me that I listen to most of the time. This being who is me, in me, and yet completely separate from me, slowly and gradually emerges and just observes. Her movements are always noticed because her speech and manner are reflected as perfection. This emotionless and freedom filled experience is most uplifting. My ego is at bay, content to play along and this silent yet boundless entity just seems to hang out for a bit. There is no caution, fear, anger...just observation. She seems to create this glorious invisible yet impenetrable bubble of safety and quiet peace. It's as though in those moments I am eternal and truly living from the source that created me and can never be destroyed. The Rhandi I know that could exist in perfect, limitless potential, pokes out it's head of heads and listens to the absolute ridiculousness and yet beauty of it all. This being cares not for control. It only watches my movements which have been programmed for so long. There is no judgement, no criticism. It sits quietly observing yet a part of everything and involved in nothing. These times seem so full and yet so void of all. I relish these brief periods of unequivocal silence and calm because the world comes into focus and everything makes complete and utter sense. Often only achieved by meditation, these moments graciously come at unexpected seconds throughout a day and bring me, the me that matters but is rarely viewed, such happiness and content. No need to silence the needless chatter or escape from my repetitive thoughts...the witness allows complete freedom and warmth. How can I learn to live from this energy at all times? As soon as I seem to recognize that this visitor is making an appearance, it disappears as quickly as it came, to the recesses of my essence. I long for a time when this creature from the beginning will choose to stay present and in my waking consciousness. It excites me know that I am able to live and act with perfection, to know every answer to every question that has yet to be asked. If only I could remember these feelings and keep them open to every situation...if only we all could. This level of understanding frightens my ego cuz she feels she is no longer needed so I must constantly reassure this fragile and temporary side that she has purpose yet. An integral part of my survival and yet obsolete when reality is thrust into this experience of non focus yet brilliant clarity. I am really digging this sober thing.