The Suburbs are a Lonely Drive

I recognized happiness today...right as I felt it.  Doesn't always happen so.  Then it was gone.  Into the night with no remorse or susceptibility to persuasion.

I nearly got hit by a car.  a tiny car  It was driven by angry dude(must've been his name cuz that's what I screamed at him in my near miss).  He was angry and grey and bordering on homosexual.  He didn't enjoy my comment about, 'Is that what you'd say to my bloody corpse after you smoked me?' when barely before rolling down his window to yell at me some random guilty shit.  You feel shitty, I get it.  You nearly killed someone with your 43mph thousand pounds.  He was truly booking it.  Why would you yell at someone after nearly hitting them?  Why would that be your first response?  Maybe it was my quick temper that drove him to it, or the fact that he was just a super dick blaming a pedestrian crossing a marked crosswalk for virtually dying under his car.  Ah well.  I survived...as did he and we went fa-rumping away in adjacent directions.

I was shy when kissing a boy I like...like, likelike.  He makes me feel new.  Like, everything is new.  Please don't let me wreck it by being coy, or playing games, or feeling fear, or jealousy or animosity over stupid shit.  He wrote me a poem.  He's given me flowers.  He romances with reckless abandon.  I use to do that.  Could I be inspired to do that again?  Am I doing it now out into the ether with no one to recognize that it's for them?  I just want to likelike someone for a while and not have it absolutely turn to shit and garbage and crap and poop.  Yeah...craPOO.  Proop.  Bingo.

I want to be an open person again.  The kind I use to be before the bud and beer, and destructive, nasty boys.  Not that this one will be any different once he grows up...it's inevitable.  I can't see it in him yet and it's the most fucking glorious thing.  Could I ever be that again?  I envy him some days and others, I just can't seem to stop looking at his beautiful face.  He is indeed a work of art.  Balls.  It began with a bang...