What a deliberate rouse this life we've been blessed with is. We are given such abilities, emotions, thoughts, patterns, and yet we have no control. We have no say. We have all of this 'potential' and no delivery. I had delivery as an actor. I had presence. i had potential. I feel so very separate from all of that now; As though that was all a part of the dream of what reality represents. I don't want to represent an element of what it means to be real...I just want to be it. I want to feel it. I want there to be more than just my senses.
Potential is the word given to dreams unrealized. I had dreams. The closer I become to becoming myself the further I feel removed from the things I once cared for. What does that fucking mean? Am I more of a shell or less? Isn't more and less the same elements of a coin flipped in the air to determine how a day will play out? Probably.
Sometimes a depressor becomes the depress-ee.
Friday, January 22, 2016
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