To All My Single Ladies

Yes.  I am aware that I berated Bey in a previous blog post;  The irony is not lost.  What can I say?  She is nothing if not popular.  This entry is dedicated to all my single ladies struggling out there with the opposite sex.  In my nearly 35 years in this form, I have learned a few things.  Literally, three.  Here they are, in no particular order:

Number One:  Eye contact is essential for letting know your beau that you're into him.  I have a hard time with this as eyes are the windows to the...so forth.  He needs to make contact with you.  You need to be vulnerable and comfortable enough with your vulnerability to let him see it, judge it and then want to get all up in it.  I put up resistance because I fear my weirdness won't be accepted.  I'm not special in this regard but it makes me feel so saying it aloud.

Number Two:  Don't be weird.  I mean, we all be weird.  But monitor your brain shit before speaking or acting.  My brain shit is constantly running turbo charged around a track built of insecurity, scrutiny and double-think.  I second guess every thought, action, and anything that enters my orbit during this absurd and self sabotaging time.  I do it to myself.  Also, not special but I'm in progress and denial is not conducive to change.  Calm down the stupid self defeating lies you tell yourselves and be responsible for your awesome.  There's some in there.  Quit burying it.

Number Three:  Don't bring another dude around even if he's only your dick-mate.  Let's be real.  Sometimes that's all a person is in your life.  Own it.  Don't introduce penis to love interest.  Any man worth his salt will either see it as a game and revolt against you and your juvenile tactics.  Or, he will sense dick, think you're taken and move on.  I've fucked up doing this.  I know in my head and heart that walking sex toy is not the guy for me but the guy for me doesn't know this.  He can't read minds, yet, and there won't be time enough in the world for you to clarify.  I know my patience is short.  No self respecting human is gonna wait around for you to fuck another.

There you have it girls.  The Great and Powerful OZ has spoke.  Go forth and be righteous.