The Unicorn

It is brought to my attention on pretty much a daily basis that I have exceedingly far reaching expectations and standards when it comes to people I choose to care about. Is it though that I expect far too much or that people have become lazy, complacent, stubborn and provide far too little. Far too little effort, far too little of themselves and far too not fucking good enough. I want a man in my life who with his shiny, thick, and luxurious locks has the ability to sweep me off my feet at a moments notice, listen to me without hesitation and a glazed look to the eye(hey, I have interesting stuff to speak of), oozes confidence from every orifice, emanates maturity, stability and confidence, fears not the unknown and can stand beside me as an intellectual equal(if that's remotely possible). So all I want is everything I am in a dude...ahhh, the Unicorn. I don't think that's too much to ask. For those of you who don't ask for at least that, you're selling yourselves short. I declare as of this moment in space and time, that I shall never settle. I won't ignore potentially disastrous elements of a persons nature cuz "I like them". Nor will I attempt to rectify any personality traits I deem teeming with incongruity with my list above...you either have it or you don't. Why must we always be forced to choose one or the other? You can have the great guy but he has serious commitment, or stability, or financial, or maturity, or or or... issues? That's not so fucking great. I believe it is entirely possible to have it all. If I have the ability to look at myself, proclaim, hey...this is what's wrong with me so I am going to take great measures to fix it...why can no one else? How do you not see that you are totally fucked and should be alone to protect humanity from your inevitably fucked spawn? Lost people do not raise right offspring. Unless it's like eye color and the fucked gene can be somewhat repressed in like, oh I don't know, every other child. If you are fucked, you should be scarlet lettered. What right do you have to run around all willy nilly, making people fall in love with you and than announcing for all the world, "I AM FUBAR!" I want my unicorn and I will bide my time until the day comes when I can hop on that stupendous back side and ride him home to momma...who by the way, will instantly alert me to the fact that he's probably just an ass with a stick taped to his forehead.

Ellen Degenerate

The current source of my anger stems from this dyke acting like a complete dick. I am very unhappy with a great many thing but at the moment i confess that most my frustration is spawned by television and its purveyors of nonsense and filth. Now normally I love filth. I am a great proponent of anything that stirs a little o that dirty side of me however right now i exist in sheer disgust and frustration. So as a talk show host i understand your role in tv land: entertain that ever increasing stream of slack jawed seal-like sadists who love nothing more than to scream their lungs out at endless applause signs and accept hand-outs as though they were owed that new car, pile of cash, or big screen. It's a fairly simple yet brilliant equation of making stupid people falsely happy for brief moments in between commercials, keep ratings high with top talent and dance, laugh, fucking irritate to no end. How many 12 year old aspiring singer/songwriter/dancer/useless ability/ must we be witness to before somebody stops the insanity? Unfortunately these poor kids will be 45, broke and wondering why Ellen was the highlight of their miserable "careers?" There is nothing at all wrong with hope or nurturing someones dream but come on? Not every aspiring actor on your day time show has the stuff to make it in anything other than a dinner theatre slinging prime rib to people who have as equally as little intelligence to spot who has "it" and who doesn't. Why not have on your show the 45 year old man who spent his life chasing a dream, getting nowhere near where he wanted it to blossom and how he's had to come to terms with living in his parents basement sucking cock to buy bus tickets to reach his monthly audition for Cialis and hemorrhoid commercials cuz no one else will look twice at a 45 year old who lives in his parents basement and sucks cock for bus tickets. Are you really helping these kids realize anything? Are you doing more for them then the damn internet could? Have you ever checked back years down the road to see if you've opened any doors or is rejection something that wouldn't boost ratings during sweeps? I wonder why you don't have kids on your show who read a book every week or watch their little sister while their single mom drinks and gambles her life and her families savings away. Those people deserve recognition not some little punks who learned that if they copied someone famous and posted a web video, Ellen will support you whole hearted. This is only one small example of how you disappoint me. The other day you had a woman on who had five children, a sixth one on the way and a husband who was unable to support his existing family let alone the newest additional travesty. Not only does Ellen bring her on the show, a gracious surprise in itself, but she showers her in gifts and TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! Does your depravity know no bounds? Why in the fucking christ hell are you rewarding this daft ridiculous woman and her immensely obscene family with anything??? If nothing else you should have given her a lifetime prescription of birth control and stopped the madness in its fiendish little tracks. Really? You can't afford a SIXTH child so you write Ellen for help? I understand that prescriptions can be pricey but more costly that another child for the rest of your life? I would have given her a free hysterectomy, maybe thrown in a lobotomy for good effing measure and brought out the next guest. Why are we rewarding people who have made their bed, fucked far too many times in it and than cried when a baby was the final result? If you can't afford the children you have, STOP FUCKING! Be smart and prevent the tragedy that is quite frankly inflicting our world like a plague of hungry and unstoppable locusts. If you feel the need to have children so you can give them everything you did not receive, adopt from an impoverished country...they'll still be a tiny version of you even if you didn't create them and they'll appreciate your shit ever so much more. Than we can all benefit from your infinite wisdom and generosity. If you are stupid, stop reproducing and if you are Ellen, stop supporting it.

The Question is the Answer

I have been told on many an occasion that i ask far far too many questions. Questions about anything, everything and the meaningless stuff in between. I don't see how that could be possible. I believe super strongly that questions, even those that shall remain answer less for perhaps eternity, are the life blood of why we were given the gift of thought. We have evolved and will continue to expand our brain power beyond my wildest expectations because of questions. Asking why is how our brains leap forward in every facet of its function. Social change comes about by asking the tough ones, even though answers may be hundreds of years away. We do not affect change by following those we have elected into "power", listening to those who claim to want change and progress and than strolling yet again saddened and bereft to the polling station when those "leaders" have failed us once more. I do not claim to know how to solve the ailments of our society but I do know how to start...by asking why. Question why our government instills such fear in its country when our leaders should be asking its people how the system should work...why the politicians spend more time wrapped up in elaborate and brilliantly organized schemes of scandal...why the media portrays not just the facts but facts with intent and purpose designed to capture, entertain and distract our world so we wouldn't know the truth if it knocked on our doors and asked us to vote for it. The ability to question the actions of others is a gift not to be taken lightly. We should have more reverence for our talent to ask. We should realize that we have more power than the media screams that we don't. We should remember what it feels like to stand for something and than stand for it. Member? The fifth of November? People asking the questions and demanding the answers and if they do not suffice, we send those who we "trust", to run every inch of our lives back to the god damned drawing board and start again. We've stopped questioning why we are here. If this does or completely does not matter. Why we so willingly sit back in subdued stasis, waiting for our lives to change and our world to fix itself. I question with the hope of answers but more so because the question opens doors to more unanswered thoughts. That's okay! At least my questions keep me flexible. At least my questions keep me from acting any way other than I should. At least my questions keep me occupied so as to avoid the thoughtless path of action so many other fools take. Why aren't the people in power asking questions? Where are the questions for us, the people of this land? They have become so entrenched in their lies and deceit and scandal that they are lost to us and most, like a good soap opera, follow along and speak of the latest travesty as if it were the sunny day upon us. We have taken the bullshit that's been set upon our plates and gobble it just as greedily as the bullshitters have dispelled it. Why are we not asking anymore? Are we so lost? We must start some where...so I ask, Why are you pretending? Let it go...start anew, find what is most important and ask...for Christ sake, ASK!

Everyone's Stupid But Me

I feel as though I've wrote about this elegant topic before...perhaps it's just that I've thought about it for quite some time or that all of my rants consist of some form of stupidity or another. Why is it so easy to hate...and so very difficult to love? Maybe, as most of my revelations are, it is just my inability to project happy wovey dovey feelings because of the way in which I was raised, but it seems like hating on others is so effortless, it's practically fun. Maybe that's why it's so easy...cuz it seems so fucking enjoyable. I hate because I don't understand. I cannot fathom how stupid the world has become. I see so many examples of sheer unadulterated stupidity everyday that its presence practically overshadows any other occurrence in my life. I see stupid people driving...jesus christ there are bad drivers riding rampant paths of destruction through our streets. Idiots walking are just as prevalent; Stupid people eating, talking, laughing, shopping, and several other verbs that carry us through our daily existence and equal to nothing. Why do these people not understand their obvious level of retardation and just stay home? Or, take a perhaps harsher yet I think more positive stance and strangle themselves to death in the comfort of their dingy basements...unnatural selection. Sure it sounds awful, I can hear you judging me, if you morons understood what I just said...however think how much better off society, nay the effing world would be without you dolts running around mindless and numb ruining every system set up to aid you, (although without you to begin with we wouldn't require said programs), scarring those individuals who attempt to understand and pity you, and breeding as if your genitals owed you money, spawning yet another generation of ridiculous human beings who understand not and care even less...WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!? I think that's the worst part: People who should be having children are not or even as far as incapable of doing so, while the retards run a muck with thirty idiotic offspring to generate only more hopeless thought and action. How do you people function without falling down? Honestly. It sounds funny but I think a legitimate question. Not only do i work with stupids all day, I am forced to serve the stupids and somehow that degrades me to a status painful to think of. I find also that these people who seem more prevalent at every turn of the head, is that they are less respectful and obscenely more rude than the normals. I believe their lack of brain function either does not permit them a conscience or their ego driven existence forces them to be hostile and filthy to others they perceive as an intellectual threat. I am also super cute so that could be part of it. Why are these people here, and I use that term "people" very loosely. Troglodyte shells of energy stored in a cast of skin and bone...amoebas have more sense. Are they created to make us 10 percenters feel better about our selves when the world seems to tear us down? Do they transform my world of brilliance and perfection into something I can complain about cuz I don't have enough to do? Have they the ability to evolve and learn and grow like the rest of us and I should cut them some slack...even attempt to help them advance? Are they purely a joke sent by some mischievous force for endless mocking? Maybe, they are here for me to evolve and learn and grow from...to be more tolerant, compassionate and forgiving? Than again, maybe it's just Camrose.

There are times....

where I have left my body. Not the "I" that I see in the mirror, nor the "I" that shows herself to the world...but the "I" that never grows weary and is always present. It's as though, and it always comes on quite unexpectedly, the silent witness that dwells within chooses to be seen; Not by the world but felt ever so strongly by me, or the part of me that I listen to most of the time. This being who is me, in me, and yet completely separate from me, slowly and gradually emerges and just observes. Her movements are always noticed because her speech and manner are reflected as perfection. This emotionless and freedom filled experience is most uplifting. My ego is at bay, content to play along and this silent yet boundless entity just seems to hang out for a bit. There is no caution, fear, anger...just observation. She seems to create this glorious invisible yet impenetrable bubble of safety and quiet peace. It's as though in those moments I am eternal and truly living from the source that created me and can never be destroyed. The Rhandi I know that could exist in perfect, limitless potential, pokes out it's head of heads and listens to the absolute ridiculousness and yet beauty of it all. This being cares not for control. It only watches my movements which have been programmed for so long. There is no judgement, no criticism. It sits quietly observing yet a part of everything and involved in nothing. These times seem so full and yet so void of all. I relish these brief periods of unequivocal silence and calm because the world comes into focus and everything makes complete and utter sense. Often only achieved by meditation, these moments graciously come at unexpected seconds throughout a day and bring me, the me that matters but is rarely viewed, such happiness and content. No need to silence the needless chatter or escape from my repetitive thoughts...the witness allows complete freedom and warmth. How can I learn to live from this energy at all times? As soon as I seem to recognize that this visitor is making an appearance, it disappears as quickly as it came, to the recesses of my essence. I long for a time when this creature from the beginning will choose to stay present and in my waking consciousness. It excites me know that I am able to live and act with perfection, to know every answer to every question that has yet to be asked. If only I could remember these feelings and keep them open to every situation...if only we all could. This level of understanding frightens my ego cuz she feels she is no longer needed so I must constantly reassure this fragile and temporary side that she has purpose yet. An integral part of my survival and yet obsolete when reality is thrust into this experience of non focus yet brilliant clarity. I am really digging this sober thing.

"Why do I want to be famous?"

She asks incredulously?

"I haven't the foggiest," she replys to herself. Why do people respond to those of stature in such a manner? Why must we know every detail about a persons life, whom we know nothing about? Literally nothing. There are great amounts of coin, time and bumbling idiots absolutely wasted on determining who's humping who, who looks better in an identicaly overly priced sweater, and who hates and is fighting whith whom on an hourly basis. It makes me quite ill. Yet, I want to be a part of it. No that can't be right...I can't imagine someone choosing this life let alone wishing for it. So what the hell is it that I actually want. I mean we spend ridiculous amounts of everything invested in people we have never spoken to nor seen in the flesh and all they have done to deserve such obsession is that they have entertained our meager imaginations for a few fleeting hours. Disgusting. It's not like I go to the circus and follow Mifty, Nifty, or Cornstarch the Clown around with drool hanging off the side of my face. Bruce Willis is not really an action hero in reality. He may wander around drunkenly beating on people but this does not a witty and handsome action star make. So why do these entertainers on the big screen, not offering much more than a cheap thrill at a resonable price hold such sway over the populace? Yes they are our much more attractive and wealthy counterparts, but they're still just people with fears and questions. They have relationship issues and family feuds. So why do we, no, why do I want that lifestyle? Perhaps when I was younger I longed for fame because it was magical. That world could offer me the world. Now, I see that world as the repulsive, irritating and useless monster it truly is. Maybe it's not the fame that drives me. Perhaps it's the money. I love money. I have a great relationship with money. What's wrong with admitting that I want to be rich. Wait, stinking rich. Nope...fucking rich. I want people to look at me and say, "That chick is fucking rich." I don't even need people to say or think it actually, scratch that. I just need to know it. Maybe, it's the power. I kinda want the kind of power that cannot be stripped from me by obscene spending. This power of agency is formidable, but eventually comes to an end...usually abrupt and destructive. So if I want true power, and I don't want to have to worry bout how my hair looks with my disgustingly priced cashmere tubetop...than what is it that I want? A big fish in a little pond might be nice. Copious amounts of coin might also be nice...and the time to do it all. A little travel, nope a lot of travel. Someone who loves me and so on. So, maybe pursuing a lifestyle that seems so plastic and artificial is not the best idea I've had. Afterall I don't need constant reassurance of my talent drenched awesomeness by those bumbling idiots I so detest. Maybe getting paid to do what i love would make loving what I do more difficult, nay impossible. Perhaps keeping them separate would allow for less pressure and more love. No worry about ticket sales, just that people appreciate what i bring to them and come back for more. Afterall, Cornstarch needs a hand with his back-flip-twisty-doodle and Nifty has been way too over the big-top lately.

Where have all the people gone?

I understand technology. I love technology. There are days however, when I truly believe in the deepest recesses of my heart that we would be better off with less; Less information, less doo-dads to busy our constant thoughts, less security and more honesty. I wish the world could exist as it did a few years ago, cept without the ignorance and hostility. I want to live in an environment where people still meet face to face. We can hear a persons voice and view their facial complexities. With so much information at our very fingertips all hours of the day, we've lost sight of what's important and what it takes to exist as a fully functioning peaceful society. I spend endless hours on computers, cell phones, ipods that sometimes I think I've lost sight of the fact that there are people in my life that I would like to touch base with instead of viewing there facebook page and piecing together what little clues they infer about themselves. Perhaps it's just the tools I am using specifically that drive me to distraction or it's the fact that on an average day, I hardly relate to any human beings at all. I can carry out the smallest most menial tasks by way of the internet that nearly send me spinning...if I were to truly stop typing for a second to think about it. I could order a pizza, pay for it and consume it through a virtual feeding tube(patent pending) and all of this would be carried out by cyberspace with little to no human contact. I miss the human touch. I miss a time when we were forced to leave our homes cuz that damn china hutch wasn't going to come to me dammit! I must admit we truly have it fucking made. With so much technology to free up our lives, we have a helluva lot of time to think. I now have time to ponder my place in this world and if I really matter. Some heavy topics have surfaced which render me often quite incapacitated. I don't mind being intelligent and tackling these thoughts but I have so much goddamn time on my hands, it's all I fricken do! Once upon a time, we had to work to survive...literally. We had to perform so many tasks just to create a tasty spread for our freshly baked bread that we had no time to complain, covort, or contemplate things beyond our capability of understanding. Things are advancing so rapidly, that soon we won't require the human touch on much. I'm not saying we should impede progress, all I want is to look at something still while I'm spinning round to prevent me from holding true to what's real and what is relevant. I want a human being to answer the phone when I call my bank. I want a human being to read from his national best seller surrounded by a group of fellow sponges instead of reading the bloody thing on the internet. Something has to be said for the human quality. Technology has progressed to such an extent that my life is incredibly simple. At the touch of a button I could talk to my sister half way across the country, or make an atom bomb. We could save the economy by using less technology and more people. Lets do away with the back hoe and the bob cat and bring back the fucking shovel. I appreciate how easy my life is, but is it really? People these days may live longer because of our technological advances/breakthroughs...but we have more stress, more heart disease and more worry than we ever have before....What should I do with my life? Where should I live to maximize the quality of existence? Who should I be with? Why am I here? If a tree falls in the forest...blah blah blah. If I had a set role and my life was about staying alive and living as best I could for a few years, wouldn't we all be much happier? Our childrens lives would have purpose and so on and so on. Right now our children walk into their schools to be greeted by metal detectors and armed men collecting nail files. Is it that society is too advanced for the creatures that dwell within it, is it that parents are not present, is technology forcing children to live beyond their ages? beyond their means? I want a life I can be proud of, but how can that exist if I can't find my place in this mess of wires and keyboards? Our options are endless and therein lies the heart of the issue. How are we a liberated and intelligent society when we couldn't function if our computer crashes and our cell phone dies? We are not so far from happiness...we just need a reminder once in a while of how life should be lived...not viewed vicariously on a screen, in the dark, at our moms house.