Penis Wielding something, somethings...

What an interesting evening I endured. Interesting, or an experiment in the twenty-first century male? The night began innocently enough with delightful beers at my boss' place. The right company can make all the difference. Then we proceeded to take a stroll to some new-to-me night spots frequented by seemingly, my kind o peeps. We began in a house turned hotspot which was inviting and full of delicious dudes to gaze upon. Had some convo that would have inevitably changed the world for the better had anyone in power been eaves dropping...beers bring out my best ideas of course. Once our buzz was brimming, I was led to a sweet dance locale void of people but bursting with some serious block rockin beats. Still, the night had a light feel and I was having a grand time. Once we danced and engaged in some Red Stripe action...a pleasant surprise by the way...we were off to our next adventure. Half Irish pub which opened to a banging club, the meat market began. I was introduced first to this humongous douche who felt the need to tell me "I use to be fat but check out my biceps. Also, I own this, drive this, and make this." Sorry douche, but you're still pretty pudgy, your arms are only defined when you're flexing and turning red in the face from the effort cuz obvious your cardio levels are not up to par and I DON'T GIVE A FUCK BOUT THE REST. Needless to say he was unintelligent and putting on a front that could be seen from space. As the night progressed, I ending up meeting this darling man who seemed down to earth, clever, and had some super moves on the floor. We exchanged some words for a time, until the douche decided to be a cock blocking son of a bitch and intervene. He pushes a beer in front of my face on the dance floor and then just stands there waiting for me to react. The poor darling guy figures this bald fat dude is my boyfriend and scurries off without a word. I don't do well with ownership, entitlement, vapidity or cock blocking, so I told the ass face exactly this, "I imagine that when you were fat, at least you were nice." He didn't take that so well and for the rest of the night made digs at me and attempted to undercut me at every turn. I believe his "game" which learnt from Maxim or some other brilliant bite of what a "woman truly needs" or "how to get hot chicks out of your league to notice your fat, angry, and empty ass", was to insult me til I realized his clearly awesomeness and jump on his guaranteed minuscule genitals. Ugh. As the night progressed, I was introduced to a Kiwi. He was athletic, articulate but he continued to spit on my face every time he spoke. Yet somehow, he grossed me out less than fat boy. What kind of a world have I entered into when "not as disgusting as the other dude" becomes enough to stick my tongue in someone? Part of that was also to stick it to fatty cuz his shocked, insulted face and constant swearing became my goal for the rest of the evening...it was a slow night. We ended the night at the Ship, still playing my suck it you grotesque piece of shit game. On our approach to the bar, mcfatty decided his genius tactics were failing and flicked my breast. It was on. I remained calm-ish as I pulled my keys from my purse, slowly put one of each between my knuckles and said rather sedately, "Do that again you fuck." He was present during my key arrangement, looked at my face and gritted teeth and backed the fuck up. I also had the Kiwi behind me, so I felt pretty confident. He wouldn't look at me for the rest of the night so the game unfortunately came to an end. Drinks were had, tongues were touched and I walked home, alone. Kiwi tried to push it, I remembered his saliva hitting me in the face on every syllable...the decision was an easy one. On my walk to find pizza, I stumbled on a policeman(and a voice bordering stern and frightening), question a man resembling the description I gave to the detective the other day regarding last Friday's events. I wanted to stop by and tell the cop, he's not the guy, but it seemed a pretty intense interrogation so I let it be. The guy was squirming something fierce and being one of those dastardly penis wielders, he probably deserved a little roughing. As I strolled along thinking of pepperoni and cheese, I came across yet another blond, 5'10", mid-thirties dude stopped by police and I shit you not...as I walked further, twice more did this occur. It was troubling because I had a bit of a reliving, seeing all these dudes who indeed looked like the description but none fitting the bill. It was also relieving to see the effort and the serious nature that the city had invariably adopted regarding this matter. I felt as though I was receiving retribution of sort and it...felt pretty good. After passing this nearly absurd sight, some dude, very sweet who spoke of his new found lady friend, bought me a slice, we munched in between his enamored speak and I stumbled home, passing out on my floor. So all in all, the night started out great, took a slight down turn and possible eye gouging, and ended on a high note. There are decent dudes out there and I am grateful I had a chance to spot a few...if only the virtuous ones could keep their dick from doubling as the question...and the answer.