Benefits of Being Gross

I long for the day that I will meet another human being(man wise) who loves my revolting ways;  Someone who not only tolerates, but appreciates the idiosyncratic behavior that makes me...me.  I would like to come home at two-twenty-five in the morning, stand precariously over a boiling pot of ichi-ban while stuffing my salivating yapper with Reese's pieces(stopping only momentarily to scarf down the little bastards that awkwardly fall to the floor), and have my lover say, "Fuck You're Beautiful..."  without a trace of sarcasm, my stupidly grinning face covered in salt, sugar and a little sadness, smiling foolishly.  Then I see men in their natural habitat: Screaming drunkenly from patios with beer in hand and intelligence lost at my friend and I as we simply pass by.  That's all it takes.  We are duck hunt targets acquired through a narrow scope(tits=female) and the onslaught of berating and degenerative remarks ensues.  What happened to conversation?  Buying a gal a drink and romancing her with your wit and humor?  Communication is a foreign entity in this techno saturated age.  I wish a dude would just fucking talk to me.  No pretense, no hollering, no offensive remarks intended to seduce my insecurity and send me streaming back to your illiterate arms...I want to be stimulated goddammit.  I want to be gross and have you aroused by the simple fact that I've responded to you in the way that I have.  I want you to look into my gaping and vulnerable face, see that I have substance and seduce me like you really give a fuck...no games, no falseness...just candor and rooted affection.  I despise tactics and long for effort.  I try every moment to be better...where is my equal?  My earnest partner in crime and vulgarity...I'll just get a dog and we can shit on doorsteps together.