Do You Validate?

Will you please?  ME?  I am desperate most days for confirmation.  Some form, some sign, some veiled notion that informs me that I am doing the right thing for my life on a daily basis.  I attempt to collect tiny affirmations from others throughout the day, perfect strangers suffice most of the time, little nods of approving content directed in my general vicinity.  WHY???  Why do I crave this sentimental approval?  I want hard, cold evidence disputing where I've been and directing me where I should go.  It doesn't have to be a manual...a brief listing of when and where would do nicely.  Where am i to be?  Does location change anything, really?  I would still wear ill fitting clothes and long underwear when it's five degrees.  I would still long to see the world in all its particulars.  I would still work some shit job I abhor for no reason other than a paycheck and something to occupy my movements.  I would still search for love under every rock and in every crevice...cuz that's where boys reside.  So why this constant and stifling need for acceptance?  Approval from randoms who unbeknownst to me, don't have their shit figured out either.  I know everyone has their own version of what it means to be happy, what the fuck is mine?  Shall I dedicate myself to one endeavor for the rest of my life, forsaking all other desires and pursuing it till I'm alone, wrinkled and covered in cats?  Or shall I be a scourge of the options open to me and dip my toes in the drink of it all...scurrying about continents, learning languages...and dying alone, wrinkled and covered in cats?  I suppose my great search for enlightened fulfillment finds me...daily.  So draped in fear and self loathing that I scoff at its arrival and scream to the stars for answers.  Silly kid...