Dear Travelling Parents

Please stop.  Having children and raising them is the hardest thing in the world.  It is also the most selfish.  Please stop forcing your children under the age of, oh let's say eight, to clamor on an air bus with several hundred other people for fifteen fucking hours because you want them to see the world.  I hate to break it to you but the little shits are not going to remember any of this.  What they will remember is the hatred felt from other passengers and the extreme ear/throbbing skull pain they feel as the plane disembarks and then re-enters the earths atmosphere at a colossal speed.

I get it.  You had children and believe that they should fit into your jet-setting lifestyle, for why should your life change just because you have tiny versions of yourself to care for?  BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS.  Your life is now their life.  You as an entity no longer exist as you once did.  You are nothing more than a vessel for these little mouth breathers you've created and it's time you fucking own that.  You made the choice so now live with it in a mature and reasonable and less self-interested manner.  Your children do not have the mental capacity nor the physical proficiency to understand what is happening to them as a plane prepares for re-entry.  They are in severe pain...for quite some time.  Though I'm sure it feels longer for the rest of the passengers, it must feel an eternity for the little guys who can't fathom this searing pain of ears adjusting to the pressure.  I know it's incredibly painful for them because as I start to swallow and go through my own ear popping steps, the babies start to scream bloody murder.  The little guys under eight start to squirm and then scream and then really scream and then scream some more.  You, as their parent should know better.  You as their parent are suppose to protect them from such unnecessary pain until they are old enough to understand it and then deal with it.

Every flight I was on in the last month, (there were nine of them ranging from an hour to eleven), all had fucking babies on them.  Babies!  There is something so undeniably insane about flying halfway around the world already but then to be unable to escape the piercing, frenzied cries of a child in pain for thirty fucking minutes after no sleep, terrible food and a brown dude elbowing you in the ribs every time he doses off...it's enough to evoke severe fantasies of shaken baby syndrome;  Followed by parent punching play time.  Is it truly necessary for you and your baby to fly to China, you daft woman?  You can't wait a few years until the child can properly cope with this nonsense?  And don't get me started on people who bring their fucking pets...there is a special place in the netherworld for you fucking idiots.

Children are rocks in a raging river.  Parents are the water.  It is the parents responsibility to flow around the stone and to gently shape and mold it into a decent rock that can not only survive in the river but prosper.  You have the choice to bend to the needs of the boulder or smother it with wave after wave of stupidity and concern for one's own profit or pleasure.  Think before you choose to bring little ones' a flyin' and the rest of the traveling world will be forever grateful.