I Am Who I Was

I am currently immersed in an exceptionally heavy show....heavy with a capital "challenge even to walk" kind of a show. This production is feeding me in many glorious and inexplicable ways...however, I am learning of my foreignness. I am an outcast. Would not be the first time nor the last for that matter, but for some reason it's hitting me quite abruptly in my feeling place...you know, like my heart and junk. We rehearse in a large garage. It is cold, rapidly fills with our sometimes not so sweet stench of sweat, occasional blood and frustrated tears but houses some of the greatest creative moments I have ever been witness to...and we've only just begun. Alas, something huge is missing. Nobody likes me. The two females have worked on a show previously together and the two males have done practically every show with one another since the companies inception several years prior. I am new. I would think that people would like that. Like I exist as a commodity rather than an obstacle. During our brief and only break within this four hour marathon of physical and mental exertion, the men gathered to speak of shows I've never viewed(and I am super hip by the way) and the women converged to speak of people I've never met. I am the kid on the playground who no one wants to play with. Like the foreigner who speaks not a word of english or the kid who picks his nose rather non-stealth like and wipes it on the girl in front of him. Wait, at one point the director did stop by to ask if I had placed lemon in my water. Ah yes, the pity convo. Like when the teacher catches wind of the obvious error and forces the others to invite her into their shenanigans....
begrudgingly of course. It makes me think, is there nothing of value in me to get to know? If I saw me, would I make the effort? I ask them questions. I am curious about who these people are. I wasn't a lonely kid growing up nor was I sensationally popular. There was always someone lower on the totem pole that I could snag and befriend. So am I now at the bottom? That little piece of wood with moss covering the goods? Invisibility would be super...if I could use it to steal or check in on hot dudes...not so much fun when those options are unattainable. I have stuff to offer...good stuff. If they can't recognize awesomeness incarnate, well maybe I don't want to know them. Yes I do, who am I kidding.