Pinot Grigio

I have found a true love...he's rich, deep, creatively endowed and motherfuckin' tasty.  If only my men could be so endearing...so adaptable.  I "Get You', you son of a bitch.  You must be none other, for only a bitch would raise someone so inefficient and spineless.  You knew I loved you...for years.  For only our friendship, in its entirety did I worship the fucking ground you tread upon.  Though, I never confessed these fateful words, you knew, and I knew that you knew and still...STILL, nothing came to fruition.  I longed for, nay continue to long for the day that you sweep me up into your arms and caress me with your all.  I scan your facebook page consecutively, for this I despise technology.  I long for a time where actual contact replaced these empty searches...these false creepings.  I am creepy.  I accept it.  I also accept that you have long moved on, and here I am...lost, longing and empty.  No man will ever compare...nor could they, for you are perfection.  I never knew you in a physical sense, perhaps not in an emotional sense either, but somehow you will always be the one.  I understand that in life, you don't always get who you want.  Whomever has hung around the longest, seen you through the worst...etc...that's who you'll end up with.  It has little to do with fate, or passion, or time.  More so with "timing" than anything else.  Breaks my heart really.  Every day.  People always say to me and by people I mean Mom...they say, "You're still young...you have time."  What does that fucking mean?  Time is irrelevant.  Love does not always keep, unless you're lucky...or lesbian.  Times like these, I wish I had a giant joint with a baggy in the freezer.  Ugh, my honesty is disgusting me at this point.  I am grateful.  Don't get me wrong.  However, life equates nothing without love.  God or no God, loneliness...so much space...bigger and bigger.  I lie to myself to keep sane...but these lies...bigger and bigger.  Someday I will be consumed and exist not as Rhandi, but as a black hole formerly known as Rhandi.  Sucking in light, life and time...but a demon in the sack.  Ah, my friend Pinot...gets me every time...