I Love(the idea of)You

All of the time.  All the time this happens...I perpetuate because it feels so good to feel so bad.  I make a person into something they should be, I am rudely awakened to the disappointment of who they really are and what they offer, and our separate ways present themselves-in the form of tears and regret...mostly.  We all know what the feminist movement did to women.  Where did the men get left?  Somewhere between confusion and arousal methinks.  They love our exclusive ways...our take no prisoners attitude.  However they(and I suspect us) cannot reconcile our independence with our vulnerability.  We are meek creatures with big hearts and infinite tear ducts.  Sure we want our space and resulting freedom to do as we please in skirts and heels if so inclined.  We also want to be taken care of.  To be the one nurtured for a change...to be so immersed in passion that we forget all the bullshit we're suppose to be remaining strong about and fall into orgasmic bliss.  The problem lies in the truth of it all for the truth is so very shallow.  The realness behind our tactics are so vacant that to speak them out loud would ruin the whole party of nothing we set up for ourselves.  A gathering of emptys' on a doorstep had the promise of enjoyment and that's how we all live our lives.  Falsely piling empties till it's time to recycle and face the inevitable stained and moldy staircase.  Men want women and women want men.  It's only ever been this simple.  We complicate with our "ideas" of what is or should be.  We live in a perpetual dichotomy of wanting what we want and struggling against those wants out of fear someone will recognize us as frauds, judge such fraudulent behavior and demolish the shells we've contained our petty games in.  I think that I have encased my essence inside so many layers that i am incapable of love.  I do not say this to evoke some knee-jerk pity response, but to attempt to understand how to remove the whole lot.  Sure bad things happen...sometimes really bad things...but what have you be shown about yourself now that you can use?  Hiding behind my enclosure is no way.  I want to live so real it scares other people.  Literally people will run from me.  The things I hold back on a daily basis out of social responsibility, courtesy(not to say I'm going to be a dick), and trepidation are outrageous.  Frailty is not highly regarded in our society...we can wear slacks and vote but perish the thought we be real.  What if my "realness" is not the reality I see for myself?  It's true to who I am but not who I'd like to be.  Then what?  Then I have no choice but to live in this vortex of blighted hope and candor...  waiting ever so patiently for the rest of the world to join me.  Maybe if I could stop judging others, see their truth and love them...regardless of ambitions and grammar...I would have that freedom from my layers I so detest to find peace, passion and a nice hard cock.