Where the Brink Meets the Beaten

I will never understand the life I've lived and what has brought me here.  I will never understand why I haven't more time.  One hundred seconds or one hundred years...they go by just the same...in a blink and a whisper.  Death comes knowingly and yet I still waste the minutes in less wonder and more worry.  I have missed so much in these years of mine.  Moments mean nothing til they've passed and now nothing still.  I value that which forever eludes me.  Shall I be grateful?  Is that the proper way to soldier on?  Shall I scream of things forbidden to the blackened sky with only my lovers headlights to further my ferocity?  Perhaps I shall remain awake for my future days so as to not squander the ticks of clock i have left.  Why contemplate such things if our paths are so written...the truth will never find me for tomorrow I shall wake and mistake it all again.