Just a Girl

I am a putrid pile of lady parts painfully arranged into a pleasing pose for all others to gaze upon.  I should be grateful for at least that;  For at the very least I have a fraction of what it takes to make it in this cesspool of liars and impostors.  Never mind the intentions, golden roads were once paved with their debris and now they are trampled and tarnished to such degrees.  I went a time not looking at reflections of my shell.  I shrugged it off as being liberated from the self that others want but in reality, (where i live now), it was because of how much i hate the sight.  I am trumped by insecurity, fueled by jealousy,  and spurred by hate.  I am adrift in a tempestuous assault daily which i create and perpetuate all by my lonesome.  I get so excruciating lost in this loneliness that I drown in tear drenched pillows and salt stained t-shirts.  I exaggerate to entertain and feast on the good will of others.  I attack without warning, leave without hesitation and shut out the world whenever I can.  I long for a love that seems so unreal and refuse acceptance once granted for only I know the truth.  I am a seeker of sadness and find solace in anguish.  I am a wretched creature who needs and takes it without consent.  I will wither and shuffle off the coil in the fading candle light however, and there you will see it - the one thing that keeps you silent and holds you still.  This moment when you realize....................she's just a girl.