Sips

A mournful tune of solitude was all I thought would be allowed.  By whom was this obscenity dictated?  By you.  You gave me less than the time of the day.  You gave nothing and took it all.  All of my passion and innocent longing and spirit for the only thing that matters in this life.  GET OUT
                                                getoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetout

You surface in my brain when I refused to let you in.  Has this refusal been my undoing?  What must I do to banish you from every fibre?  Every cell?  Every one of my memories.  Remembering you has not made me better.  I have learned what not to do, not because of you.  You taught me nothing.  You took and continue to take without remorse....Jesus Christ!  Without knowledge of what you've done.  What I allowed you to do.  I granted you this permission and now the gates won't close.  They've grown rusty with tired rage;  The hinges caked with dutiful diligence.  Why do I carry on in this?  Why do I permit the gates to remain in disarray and ill regard?  I want you out.  I want the gates to disintegrate and to have never have known your name.  You come to me in dreams without consent and fuck with me throughout the day.  Your unwitting refusal to be gone is infuriating.  To say this to your stupid haunting face would do no benefit.  You wouldn't even understand.  You don't even know my name.

I drained myself for the thought of the potential of you.  What have you done with all the power I gave you?  The least.  The worst.  You've done nothing.  It was all me.  It's been all on me and I sacrifice for a creature with no heart.  No concept of what it means to offer, to self-deny.  I can't even fucking blame you.  Or can I?  You knew.  I knew you knew.  We all knew you and know now.  You continued to creep back so steadily, so noisily.  You announced your arrival like a truck filled with bricks crushing a crowd of unaware onlookers.  Yet no apology.  No regard.  no notice.  Are you capable?  Are you able to feel what I've felt?  Do people like you get this?  I want you gone.  Do you hear me, you fucking worm?  Slithering about within my sleeping sight so I can't rid myself of you nor figure out where you are still finding ways in.  How do you block your subconscious from reaching you?  How do you keep things that seem out of your grasp under control?  I never even laid my hands upon you yet you haunt me as though I had.  I hate what I've allowed you to do.  I should have.  I should have.