Confinement Part Deux

My uncle is a brilliant and beautiful genius....and not the one that just died.  I should feel something about that other than, weird...he's gone.  My fault perhaps for not pursuing a relationship of any kind with him in the last ten years.  And his.  He was older after all and now he's doggone long gone.  Anyhoo,

My other uncle.  The one who has stated quite clearly that relationships should only last three months.  What brilliance.  I am not made for this.  I am not made to respond as an adult would in an adult situation to a child.  Men are children.  Giant forgetful babies that refuse reason and compromise.  I am better alone.  Read into that what you will...and then fuck off.  Being with someone so similar has made me hate myself.  I see all of the ridiculous bullshit I pull displayed right in front of me and it makes me want to stop existing.  I want to pull out every fiber of my hair so hard and for so long that it never grows back.  I want to grate off my own face skin and make a sandwich of it for the homeless.  They like sandwiches.

Fuck you.  Fuck you a thousand times you disappointing motherfucker piece of shit.  You are not right.  I refuse fault.  I want to laugh in your face every day for the rest of my life.  Fucking hell I get angry.  I decide I'm right and that's the end of that.  rational.  I can't do this.  Every day I feel as though I can't do this.  Maybe it's that I don't want this.  I don't want it so I make it so through passive aggression and flippancy.

i am too stubborn for another.  i am too stubborn to be around or participate with others.  

Leave me alone!  That goes for the lot of you.  Don't weep for me either.  That is not what this is about.  Being alone isn't the easy choice.  People who haven't been alone think in this manner.  Such is not the case.  Being alone.  Truly alone.  The hardest thing in the world.  You choose to be ousted from the herd.  Loners in the wild are proven to die sooner than one the same age who has remained within.  The scragglers look a fright and are without children or a mate.  They seem to wander without purpose.  Without enjoyment.  There is no life in the eyes of the creature that chooses a life of solitude.  And without complaint.    


Post Script:  Written after a screaming match several weeks ago, came across it in my travels...interesting...