I had finally made a connection. She is from Taiwan...barely a word of proper English comes out of her but I can tell she gets it. We bonded over our inappropriate bouts of laughter, our hatred of others and our take on the opposite sex. For months. She began to hate her position and required a change. I understood though I was admittedly sad to see her go. Who would I relate to now? The receptionists are kinda cool but you just know those bitches are stabbing everything they have for you directly into your spinal column.
Her last day with me I bashfully kicked the ground whilst we shared the perpetual elevator that has both saved and plagued me. I spoke softly and with a smile and said, 'So, are ya gonna miss me?'
She paused briefly, made eye contact and plainly asked, 'What is there to miss?'
It's beautiful here and everybody sucks. Truly. I guess that's the balance. The bitter and the sweet. It's just odd to experience them at the same time. Usually one follows the other and overtime your perspective changes(hopefully), and you face less of the hardships and more of the beauty. It's a gorgeous thing being a witness to this creation. Lo, I would forever rather understand this world in all its uncomfortable hideousness than to buy into something that wasn't real or confirmed thusly. We know it when we see it people. Mayhaps i grow vigorously weary of the city life. I love the culture, the art, the infrastructure and the amenities. I miss community, connection, and the solidarity between a bunch of drunkards on a Sunday night after imbibing all day on a deck in the warm sun and cool breeze. I don't know where I belong yet and I can't bear the thought of going back. Everybody goes back soon enough and I always always feel sorry for them. Like something great and interesting about them is now lost forever. They gave up. I don't want to feel like I gave up. Ever.
I guess I'll always have the words.
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