Back-Burner

I hung out tonight with someone I thought I should hate.  She is beautiful and probably smart...I don't even know...and well-dressed and eloquent in speech and manner.  I thought I should hate her because she seemed so very different from me.  Not for all of the things mentioned above but because I thought I already knew her.  Let's face it.  I did.  I do.  She kind of sucks.  I let my guard down.  Free wine tends to lean a twisted branch in the general direction of drunken desultory.

I spoke to said girly-girl.  She was kind enough, just really boring and predictable like most girls that dress and act like her.  She's bought in.  She bought in to the house, the car, the husband and her inevitable brood stirring in her loins as we spoke.  Gross.  She stands for everything I find so distasteful in society.  I was nice to her.  I was feeling all jolly warm and drunk inside so I didn't rip her meager empty life to shreds.  Now I'm the gross one because she will now go through existence not hating herself and her choices.  Dammit.  She will grow to be someones' role model.  She will create a bunch of offspring just like her and the world turns once more.  Boring.  Desolate.  Certain.  Perhaps that's what pisses me off most;  These people are certain in their creations of nihility.  This is the way my parents did it, therefore...I am.  So it is.  So fucking question-less.  So content.  I can pretend too, you know.  I have.  I did.  It felt good to feel included.  Like I was part of something collective, connected and bigger.  Then I realized these people have not the foggiest clue what they speak of.  They are scrambling for meaning in a world that bears fruit of no sort.  It's sad.  It's embarrassing.

I don't think I've ever wanted to be one.  Really.  I've played the part once or twice but I grew so very weary of the performance.  The posturing.  I want to be a Thai dude speaking at TED about saving seeds and building houses for my neighbors cuz apparently land is free in Thailand.  Let's all stop dedicating our lives to things we need to follow and create something real.  Let's feed each other more than the bullshit pictures we take on Facebook.  Live your life for you, not your following.  Travel to go deeper into yourself, not for the constant photo ops people are screaming for as they sit in their homes they can't afford to view the world through the computer lens.  Go to school for your brain and the benefit of society, not for the achievement and bragging rights about how difficult school was to manage with your drinking and social nights.  Love the world because you love yourself and fuck the rest.  Stop showing us the you you think we want to see.  Everybody gets one.  Only one.  Make it count.