Not sure why...

but i have a sinking suspicion that i will die alone; And not perish in the manner that inevitably we all die alone, but in the manner that I will be without love on my death bed. I have come to terms with that fact and i am ok...sort of. Why do we attempt to mate for life? I use the word attempt very loosely cuz I ain't seein a whole helluva lot of effort...on any of our behalf. We pair off for the simple fact of reproduction. Intellectually we are all well aware that we will at some point in our short and useless lives succumb to a change that is out of most of our hands: evolution. We evolve in personality, spirit...our goals adapt and change...our affinity for a particular brand of potato chip will undeniably partake in great growth and advancement...so why in the hell do we expect ourselves to react exactly the same to the very person who has also undergone such transformations? It's ridiculous to me that human beings are still as high as we are on the food chain. Actually i suppose we aren't considering it's just our sheer numbers that prevent our timely and eventual downfall at the hands of scientists and their petri dishes. No longer must we protect the population from demise however, no longer is it imperative that a child has a fathers last name, and no longer do we find ourselves in a time where labels were as important as a persons actions. Why than, do I still crave the arms of the opposite sex? Not only the arms but the thoughts, hopes, dreams, love of another human being who "gets me?" I want not of children...I want not of dashed futures in an inevitable divorce or worse, death...I want not to fit a personae someone has laid out for me out of comfort and complacency and because they don't know the fucking answer either...I want love because...I do. That's not an answer I know, but it's what comes out. I want a connection with another human being that strikes me somewhere deep, somewhere lost but not forgotten. I want to know someone inside and out...fears and all. I want someone to share brilliant and illusive moments with. Even though that sunset was stunning, if two sets of eyes have been witness to the splendor, it somehow makes it real. Maybe that's what I long for...a reality that's real. There are those moments, those stand still moments where the world takes notice and watches you and your happiness. I miss those moments and i want them back. It just takes so much fucking work! Fuck it's a lot of work. So much needs to be present for those type of moments to come together. Am I lazy or just really tired...tired of telling my story, tired of waiting for the bottom to drop and when it doesn't, waiting a little longer. Even with all of those obstacles, I still want it. Maybe there is no long term...that. Perhaps the best I can hope for is what I've been witness to. Maybe I should stop putting so much fucking pressure on this whole situation I call existence and just chill the fuck out....hmmm...sounds like an idea.