I'm in a New York State of Mind

It's kind of gassy and forlorn...that may be in part due to the bottle of Dr. ZenZen I have recently consumed (thank you Kari). I think bout boys all the time...I mean ALL of the time. Is that sad? Shouldn't I be pondering dramatic type things or creatively inspired things...alas...I pontificate on boys. They are predictable, similar, small-minded, and disappointing. However...I find myself often quite distracted by their meager existence. WHY! That is not a question in need of an answer. I am exhausted....and slightly drunk. I want to light up a room. I want to be the only person some "dude" worth speaking to will find himself gawking at for stretches of time. I want to be endured. I want to be loved, caressed, desired. Will someone at some point not regret missing out on "life" for me? I say that in quotations because what is this really? No one has any sort of answer worth listening to and if they claim they do, shoot them in the skull repeatedly cuz they don't deserve to live. I want to be someones everything. As much as I bitch about the opposite sex...I want love, nay...need love. We all do, I'm just so pissed and bitter bout it all that it clouds my judgement and ultimate desire. Yes, I may have chosen poorly in the past...that doesn't give any of these assholes the excuse to treat me as they have. I am not your typical beauty. I do believe however that I have something of value to offer. The world...men...others...ether...yes I did mean that word...sans the "I". So, my "New York" state of mind consists of drunken ramblings on New Years Eve coupled with sappy movie rentals(which cost far too much I might add) and hair pulling, tear welling bullshit sad sap nonsense expressed on my computer-tron. I want to laugh and cry...but I want it to be my choice...not because some asshole I've chosen has dictated thus. Time for bed...happy fuckin new year...as if I buy into that bullshit. One more thing...you people should be making a resolution every goddamn day to be a better person...once a year is not e fucking nough.