Puppy Love

I am often riddled with so many thoughts. Most of which, inconsequential, destructive, obsolete and downright ridiculous. In the thirty-seven seconds it took for me to walk home with my beer and delightful salt and pepper wings, a great many thought passes through my pea brain. One of which being, I am such a dude. I am nearly positive that at one time or maybe several, I was a penis wielding something something. My energy at the moment is not altogether precisely feminine. I met a dog in the liquor store whilst purchasing my libations who immediately smelt my bag of chicken and then proceeded to my crotch for a quick judgement. I believe dogs are brilliant in so many ways. Why as human beings have we made the process of getting to know one another and falling in love so tangled...so convoluted? Dogs can decipher every bit of information from our crotches and pass judgement from there. No confusion, no mistrust, nothing. A simple crotch sniff tells a person all the business about another that one needs to know. The problem being, I start sniffing around a dudes crotch and unfavorable results would immediately follow for me. I have no trust. I long for honesty but I don't believe I'd know it if it, well...sniffed my crotch. I once trusted a man. He was the one for me, I know it. He was beautiful and intelligent, hilarious and filled my heart with near unmentionable joy. I loved him with every inch of my being and dreamed of our life together constantly. As I dreamed and obsessed, he moved away from me and my dreams became only that, never to be requited. I broke my own heart on that one I believe. I think about him often and rather still fondly and with great regret that words cannot truly ever express. Where was I going with this? Ah, yes...trust. I think I no longer trust my own judgement because of this man-child and therefore, trust no one else. I broke myself for one person who never realized how necessary he was for my sanity. I pose this question to the world...Are those feelings lost forever? When growing up commences, is it possible to retain that early hope, openness, and innocent longing? Can one ever go back to a time when holding hands through an entire night was enough to sustain ones heart? I suppose that's more than one question posed...well I'm insatiable dammit!