Sleepy Time Dream Town

I use to have dreams about being chased.  I could fly, usually only briefly while attempting to flee some horrible and overbearing force.  My dreams were exciting and full of peril.  Now my dreams are about stuff.  I dream of having too much product to price and not having enough time to do it.  I dream about disappointing my employer, alienating coworkers and the enjoyment that washes over me whenever I am rude to guests.  I woke this morning in a panic that the new shipment of plastic saucers and plant caddies were not priced.  Seriously subconscious?  Even my brain is bored of the things I force it to do during the day.

I didn't get in to school.  I failed the assessment test to be a journalist.  Now looking at the news of late, I see layoffs, cutbacks and media outlet closures are making headlines in a big way.  Perhaps I dodged the proverbial bullet.  Perhaps the Universe had my back and said, 'Uh-uh...Uni no like.'  I wasn't really passionate about the news.  Writing maybe but not sensationalizing real life to sell shit to people to keep them in fear and maintain the shudder-some status quo.  So now that my 'dream' of being a news reporter is quashed, I'm keeping my ears to the ground for what's next.

I feel like I've been failing a lot lately.  At my current job as merchandiser/sales associate/hawker of wares in a beautiful and healing garden store, I have been passed up for the last two promotions I've applied for.  My previous job at a fashion retailer warehouse also followed similar suit.  Am I failing or does the cosmic powers that be know that my heart isn't really in it and putting the kaibash on the whole process before it really begins.  I've learned if money is the goal in any endeavor, failure is quick to ensue.  I suppose I've just answered my own flawed view about failure and why I perceive it so.  Therein lies another question though:  Why do I perceive the grander message to be botched effort on my part?  Like I am losing at life because I didn't get some bullshit promotion of more work for not nearly enough moola at a job I have no interest in with people I don't really care about?  Well, I care about some of them...some of them are pretty righteous.

I'm trying to relax now;  To let the great energies that created it all to guide me to my ever so short purpose on this planet.  I'm also trying to really believe in the fact that all the shit in the previous sentence is not a lie I'm telling myself so that I don't take a long walk off a short pier.  I work with this mystical man who believes with all of his might that the Universe has a greater plan for us all.  He's very convincing and not preachy or condescending.  I trust in his trust but not quite in my own.  I tend to take a more nihilistic view of things.  Sometimes it feels good and right and just and other times it makes me so sad I am rendered immobile.  I believe that having beliefs is a weakness of mankind and that it has greatly held us back as a species.  But if this pisses you off giant cosmic energy in the ethos...sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry.  I take it back!  Now please provide my silent witness with the insight it needs to lead an exciting, prosperous, financially fluent, and sexy hell-damn-ass existence Oh Great One.  Also, if you would like to be called something else, something more relative to your omniscience, give me no sign...thy will be done Oh Purple Monkey Dishwasher.