Part 6...

I feel very complacent about everything...is that a feeling? I'm not even high. That'd be nice right now: beautiful, blissful, mind-numbing, NUMBNESS. It's good to be numb and dumb, to succumb to the abyss, lost in abundance. I want to "blow someone away"...knock them off their feet. What should I be doing? Right now...tmrw...the day after? What makes me happy? Why is my happiness rarely sustainable? Will anything I ever do, matter? Ever? To anyone? To me? If today were my last day, what would I be doing? So obsolete I feel, so invisible. Even if the world knew my name, would that make any difference? If we all have the same problems, thoughts, fears, goals...why do I feel so alone? And even more so when i see correlation btw myself and the masses. I wish I was high...forgetting why you don't matter may be the only way to go. "Nobody gets me." Well fuck you, you're not so special. I get you...you're an ass. Sometimes I care so much that my heart might implode killing me and the few surrounding individuals that can still tolerate me, instantly. Other times I just can't care and feel as if I could never care again, about anything. I'm a horrid, stupid girl. I want to be a good person. I don't know if I could do it without truly knowing I'm faking it.