What to do?

...when you haven't a clue...literally none...not a single iota, whisper, breath of an idea what I am going to do right now. I am scrambling in a sea of other's voices and have yet to find my own. It's as if I am at this precipice...this really important crossroads(as important as any human decision goes) where which path I choose to follow will have consequences unimaginable. There seems to be so very many options available to me right now that I am so confused and overwhelmed...makes it tough to pick any one so I am abstaining from choosing any. Is that any way to live a life? Afraid to make a wrong step that you just stop walking altogether. Maybe that's a good thing...you know, stopping to smell the rotting leaves and winter waiting ground. I watched a man today raking his leaves out front of his house. He raked and raked one spot over and over, only to know that tmrw he may very well be out there again performing a tedious and useless task. I feel like that...raking leaves in an endless pile that never grows larger nor blows away...always there, needing to be raked only to be raked again. Perhaps doing nothing right now would be good for me. Maybe my head will mercifully clear and all will become crystal. I know I cannot stay where I am, or go back to where I was, in a mental and emotional sense...physically is still up in the air. So where to now? This odd stalemate btw me and my thoughts has to come to some sort of a resolution, does it not? Or maybe the copious amount of beer I've been consuming will just wipe me clean and clear and out of control. Damn subliminal commercial messaging...

The kicker I'm sure is that all of this angst and anxiety will pass as with everything that has or ever will occur and I will look back and wonder why I was so fucked up when the answers come when they are needed. A wise friend of mine once said "You have all the power to ask the questions and none of the power to answer them". That blows. I will forever spend my life searching and for what? To search? To aid others in finding answers? To spend the time i have in this super sexy form bewildered and broken forever more cuz someone this attractive must be fatally flawed or it wouldn't be fair for the rest of the world? Brain cells beware...Rhandi's a comin with a six pack of beer.