Never fucking happy!

EVER!!! I honestly don't believe that I will ever be fucking happy. I also can't believe it has taken me this amount of time to figure it out. I want and want...more and more...of everything. When something comes to me in my life, I briefly think "thanks" and than move on to what else could i possibly accomplish, see, do, be, learn...whatever. What is it in me that makes me feel this way? I am never happy with anything until I suppose, the thing I thought was making me miserable was really not so bad. Is that how I am to live my life though? Ah, it's not so bad? It could be worse? That is bullshit! I crave bigger and better so frequent that I am rendered a crying mess on the floor because I'm just not there yet. And...when I get to this magical, mythical place of fulfillment, I'm sure even then I will be complaining about something: "Well, this isn't as nice as I'd thought it be...I mean yeah I'm fulfilled in every way humanly possible, but where's my damn acknowledgement?" Maybe that's all anyone ever needs...validation. Nope, I need more. I see so many people with their shit together...in a societal sense...you know like how people think they should be living their lives...but is that what I want? Are my needs overshadowed by someone else's version of what I want from my existence? Or do I want the picket fence and pies on windowsills? How do I even know what I want? At this moment I know i am to belong somewhere else...but where??? I hate so much that I've forgotten what i care about. Are those people really so happy? Do they really have it all? Or do they just put on a better show? I am sick of the show...that's part of the reason I'm an actor...I can be in one, than leave it for the reality of something better I've hopefully created. Am I even that? How can I call myself any sort of label when I do nothing? Crap...now I am rambling and making no sense. I'm such a fraud...a fake...why am I the only one pretending? Where the hell do the rest of you get off? Maybe I'm not pretending...the only one and that's why I feel so alone...left behind...i mean afterall, the show must go on...