Sleep...it's overrated...

I can't stop...I won't stop...thinking, that is. Fuck. Sometimes being so damn brilliant is a curse...a curse i tell you! Sad thoughts, happy ones...dirty ones, sigh...doesn't matter cuz they all keep a person up at night. I feel left out of peoples lives...it may just be me, doing it to myself. Nope. I know it's me. It's tough to keep up with people when you are away from them. I suppose my mom and sister and I keep pretty good tabs on one another but it takes a lot of work. Perhaps I'm lazy. Nope. I know I'm lazy. And petty. People move on, "grow up" .... whatever that means... *fart* and I suppose I feel somewhat left behind. I do however have the tendency to see what I want to see...I know I never take in the whole picture...JJ is sooo good at doing that. It's like after our awesome three months in Europe, I could only see the great stuff, which there was an abundance of, and had totally erased the shitty parts. The same goes for other peoples lives. I pick a moment, based on it, judge the hell out of it until my head feels like it's about to pop right off, and forget the rest as though the rest never occurred. I look at all of the people I hold dear to me(well, some of them I don't really speak to so they don't count in this equation...see, I'm doing it right now), and they are getting hitched, having kiddos, blahblahblahblahblah...and I feel so removed from it all. I want adventure, spontaneity, sex, success, and wealth beyond my wildest dreams. I know we all take different routes to achieve all that shit and more...but why does mine seem so far off from everyone else's? Am I missing out, or are they? Or is anybody? Maybe when I get it all, I'll want the stuff i'm abandoning now...or I'll die alone with no heir to my vast, vast, vast fortune...like Mr. Burns....or my cats will eat my face after i perish in a tragic fur ball incident...like the Crazy Cat Lady...I have got to lay off the simpsons. I'm super stoked for everyone in my life right now cuz they all seem so happy, but I also wish them death by cat chomps. Why am I jealous of people making decisions that aren't in my plans? Am i a control freak? Or smaller than I thought? Go, fall in love, procreate...I mean, it's what we're supposed to be doing...right?